Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
