Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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