You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Watching her eat just hurts me
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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