I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
