Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize