I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
