My room smells like vodka and shame
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
