nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
