thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
