when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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