I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
