OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
