So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
