every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
