I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize