Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
