Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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