So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
