As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
