I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
