the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
