i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
the day after is always just damage control
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
