I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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