So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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