And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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