she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize