Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I need to calm my uterus...
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
