I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
