that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
