You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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