Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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