so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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