It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
