I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
