I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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