I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
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