I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
