I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
