I met the friendliest cop last night
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
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