He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
