It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
