I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Randomize
