I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
