so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
