you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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