I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
