I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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