do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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