So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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