Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
