Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
