come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
