If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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