M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
