drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
