Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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