I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
