Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
