i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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