Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
