Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
