Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
This house was built for laser tag.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
