Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Randomize
