We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
