haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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