Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
