I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
