Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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