I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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